f i r s t

 in the middle of the crowd 
in a big city in Indonesia 
I was born as the first child-- 
to a married couple who were 
so in love with each other--
years and years later 
i grew up--
now with one sister and 
one brother 
and too many responsibilities
for me to handle 
and too many fandoms--
i needed
to keep me alive

Anyways, hello! --if anyone's reading this-- it's me, you can call me Yash. Why am I eggrater? Well, I have a complicated relationship with eggs and well, graters. It's a long story. I love to write~ It's the one thing that helped me going through everything in life, and I'd probably post some of my writings here too! I also enjoy figure skating, well, I'm pretty serious in watching it--I can't skate at all rip. You may see me screaming about Yuzuru Hanyu here sometimes. 

And I just love Japanese music--in particular, I love Arashi. God knows where I'd be now if my fate hadn't crossed with Arashi that one day I found their The Music Day performance. They gave me a lot of courage to go on, and watching them makes me happy and helped me forget about all the other things I have to deal with for awhile. Matsujun is Nino's  my boyfriend sigh even if he gets old I'd still love him. 

Yoroshiku nee~~ <3 

we lost to gravity

we were flying, weren't we? 

we were flying high, laughing at the simplest thing, being happy. you smiled, admiring my wings as i caressed your cheeks. curled up on your couch watching yet another japanese drama with cliche plots, at least we both love the cheesiness. you and i talked about stars and how the stars burn and die, and we forgot about the fact that we're supposed to do some chemistry work instead of astronomy. i traced the constellations on your freckles and you told me about how they moved from your cheeks to my eyes. 

we were flying and we were a bit scared--or I was scared. Because the world is spinning too fast and the stars are burning too bright, before you cupped my cheeks with your hands, telling me that it'll all end up in beauty. The stars might die and the world might stop spinning, but we had already found home within each other. 

It was all beauty for a moment. but hey--i guess that's the thing about beauty, isn't it? it's only a matter of time before the ugly of the world ripped it all. 

we lost to gravity, and we fell. it happened in a flash. it was half past two in the morning and i could see the spark of your wings faded, and suddenly they were gone. because they were there when we were in love with each other. you were in love with me. and then you're not. and it disappeared, and you fell--

and i fell too. 

but i guess after all that, it made sense that i get scared everytime i feel like i'm happy. because suddenly it feels like this big world, great universe can't seem to hold me up anymore, and at the end i'd always lose to the gravity, and
falling isn't really 
my favorite thing